


Curiosity Killed The Jew

by EgoCentricWhore



Category: South Park
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2019-10-26 18:50:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17751482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EgoCentricWhore/pseuds/EgoCentricWhore
Summary: After Eric Cartman disappears for a few years and then returns unexpectedly leaving his former friends curious and confused, Kyle Broflovski finds it impossible to keep his big jew nose out of Eric's business.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hewwo this is my first fanfiction so feel free to leave your tips or thoughts on improvements i could make UwU.

The bright school lights nearly blind me when I push open the door. I lazily make my way down the hallway in the direction of my locker. Eyeing the stickers that plaster the blue metal door, entering my pin, grabbing a few papers and textbooks, and then making my way to class. The halls feel gloomy and empty as usual. South Park High School isn't as populous as it may have once been, which is preferable to be honest. South Park as a whole has been extremely uneventful, everyday is more of the same almost like our town itself is in a emo faze. I conclude my thoughts and finish the walk to my first period class. As soon as I enter I am automatically greeting by an enthusiastic Stan. 

"Dude Wendy fucking let me hit" Stan exclaims with an excited grin plastered across his face.

"Ugh, do you have to say it like that" I cringe and sit down at my desk which was conveniently located right next to his. Before Stan can generate a reply Kenny enters the classroom screeching obnoxiously. He twirls over to Stan's desk and slams his hands down for dramatic effect.

“My wittle Stanny finally lost his V-card” he sings pinching Stan's cheeks. 

“Stanny?” I repeat, not liking the taste it leaves in my mouth.

“Kenny don't encourage him.” i say rolling my eyes.

“Too late” He smiles, I groan and shake my head in disapproval.

“God you guys are adolescents” 

“So, at least we're not virgins” 

“Yeah, Kyle you need to get some putang” Stan agree’s. I grunt and roll my eyes at his statement not wanting to continue the conversation. My eyes travel to the text books in front of me, Flipping them open and continuing where i left off the previous day. 

After a few minutes of note taking all attention is drawn to the front of the classroom where a seemingly new student is standing. Upon first glance I am struck by a vague sense of remembrance. He stands awkwardly in front of the class, not seeming to mind the students lingering eyes. His unkempt brown hair is his face and his eyes are glued to the floor.

“All right kids I’d like to welcome back a former classmate, Please be kind to him on his first day back in South Park.” Garrison says directing the boy to an empty seat.  
A former classmate? I repeat silently to myself, looking at him one more time. His eyes catch mine and I quickly glance back at my papers. For a while i still feel his eyes on me, and i shift uncomfortably. I suddenly feel an anxious sensation and glace over at the boy again. He sits inattentively twirling his pencil between his fingers almost like he is unchallenged by the problems the teacher is presenting. 

“Today class where going to be learning about polynomials, does anyone know what a polynomial is?” The boys hand was up before the teacher even finished his sentence, and a sudden realization hit me. No. Fucking. Way.

“Yes Eric?” At this everyone in the classes attention was brought back to the boy. 

“A Polynomial is an expression containing variables,constants and exponents.” He says simply

“Yes that’s very good Eric, congratulations seems like you’ll do better in my class than last time.”  
Whispers fill the room as everyone stares at him in shock, besides Kenny who sits there unknowingly for a few brief moments before fake gasping.

“Oh my god, Eric Cartman!?!? Your back? Oh no, I didn’t expect that. Oh Jesus what will we do!.” Kenny says especially loud and dramatic calling everyone's eyes to him and causing a small chuckle from the boy. 

“HEY! Pay attention before i give you all detention.” Mr. Garrison shouts from the front of the classroom halting the whispers from the students.

Eric. Fucking. Cartman. In South Park again, dude. Did Kenny know he was coming back? I wonder to myself glancing at the boy one last time. I'm not gonna lie, he’s actually pretty attractive and he seems to have nearly grown out of the ‘total fat ass faze’. I let my eyes wonder his form for a moment before returning to my own activities. I'm surprised that he’s been in the classroom for this long and hasn’t made any anti Semitic remarks or infelicitous jokes, actually i don't think he’s said anything to anyone besides garrison. What happened to him? Why is he even back? Why now? 

“Hey dude, did you know he was coming back?” Stan asks

“No dude, but it seems like Kenny knew, or he at least found out before we did.”

“Damn he didn’t even give us a warning.” He states only partially joking. “I wonder how long it will take for him to start ripping on you again” He states blandly clicking his tongue.

\---

The period seems to go on forever before the bell rings and students begin to fill the hallways once more. I join up with Stan and Kenny who were already chatting in the hall. I don’t even begin to question what happened in class earlier and just make my way to the lunch room. We enter and sit down at our usual table with Craig and his other friends. I open my lunch and eat the sandwich my mom prepared for me while pondering about my soon to be troublesome future that may or may not involve Cartman. I catch a glimpse of my former enemy or future enemy, i suppose and divert my attention to him no longer listening to the conversation around me. He is sitting at a table with a few lunch lady's not really paying any mind to any of the other students. What the hell? Is he gonna act like this all the time?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God i'm not sure if any these are any good plz let me know!

I sit in the dimly lit library finishing the homework assigned to us earlier today. A cold gust of air flows through the large space and stings my exposed skin, i shiver and rub my hands together in a attempt to warm myself up. The work was simple and I get it done pretty fast as for most school work. Not wanting to go home so soon I get up and start browsing the large oak shelves looking for some form of entertainment. The building is quite peaceful, and mostly untouched by others my age. It seems to be the only place in this town that isn't cluttered with useless phenomena, so it’s basically my favorite place. I find something that looks of interest and bring it back to the table i was formerly sitting at. I ‘m cut off by the smooth sound of the thick doors swinging open. I glance over and catch a glimpse of the man, the myth, the Nazi.

“Cartman?” He glances at me and visibly cringes upon the use of his name.

“It’s uh, It’s Eric” He corrects me and I look at him curiously. “What?” I mumble to myself. He stands awkwardly in the doorway shifting from one foot to the other for a few minutes before opening his mouth to speak again.

“I'll go” He states quietly before swiftly turning around and rushing out of the library. 

“Hey! Get back here, i wanna talk.” I jump out of my seat and rush to the door, but when glancing outside he is no longer in sight. Dude? Literally what the fuck is up with him, is he late for dinner? I chuckle at my own bigotry. Maybe I should leave it alone buttttttt it’s Cartman and I've got questions. I whip out my cell phone and begin to compose a text message.

‘Hey Ken.’~KB

‘hey broflovski, feeling. Curious?’ ~KM  
I cringe at his lack of grammar and his ability to read my thoughts though the screen.

‘What are you talking about?’~KB

‘Cum on koil u never text me unless your asking for advice or wanna hang out. So which is it? Are u curious or do you wanna hangout, or is it something else, if you know what i mean ;)’~KM  
I feel my face heat up at his remark. Why is he always like this when i'm trying to be serious.

‘First of all i don't swing that asshole and also fuck you i just wanna know what’s up with Cartman.’~KB

‘Whats up wit who’~KM

‘Cartman’~KB

‘Oh Eric?, wellllllllllll whatcha wanna know?’~KM

‘I wanna know why he’s acting so weird.’~KB

‘Idk dude, maybe he just wants to be left alone, maybe he is curious, time will tell.’’~KM  
I grown to myself and run my fingers threw my hair, god he’s so unhelpful.

‘Go Fuck yourself’’~KB

‘Whoa, there there my angry little man. If you really wanna know you should just talk to him, and i do everyday, every night’~KM

I suppose he’s right, but i doubt Cartman would tell me anything. Judging from the brief encounter here I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to even be around me let alone talk to me. I start gathering my things and tossing them in my bag, in preparation for the arrival of my mom who typically comes to pick me up around this time. I sigh to myself and watch as the cold around me turns my breath into winter fums. I don’t know why i'm so bothered by this, my life-long enemy, Hitler 2.0, this guy has ruined my life in more ways than one. I should be happy he’s avoiding me, but goddammit I wanna know why it isn’t like him, it just isn’t.  
\----  
The car ride home was typical, my mom bombarding me with questions about my day and the lovely silence that followed it. Throughout the years my family has definitely became more isolated, as most peoples in South Park. We just didn't have the need to socialize with others. It’s funny how after the one kid who cause everyone the most trouble left, the town got quite and lonerish almost like he was pulling everyone together with his schemes and plans to hurt them plans to hurt me.

Minutes passed before we pulled up into our driveway, I open the car door and step out into the breezy yard. I look around me at the fallen snow and bring my attention to the bright green house to my left. No one has really left or moved in our little mountain town since forever, so the house was mostly untouched, if you glanced in threw a window you could even see the old furniture still sitting in there. It’s weird how no one has really talked about what happened there. In some ways i suppose it’s understandable, I mean the Cartman's haven’t really made themselves the finest reputation.

“Kyle comeon your gonna catch a cold.” I follow my mom in and am nearly knocked down by the houses warm temperatures. Not really paying attention i drop my bag by the door and rush up the stairs to my room and throw myself onto the bed. God i'm tired. 

I lay on the bed for sometime before seeing a figure walking in the street, at first i didn't pay much mind to them before i realized who they were. I bounce up and kneel in front of the window. I watch the figure pace back in forth at the end of the driveway looking distraught, and then continue on their way at a much faster rate than before whilst covering their face with the black scarf that was snaked around their neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God i'm not sure if any these are any good plz let me know!


	3. Chapter 3

I awake and glance at the ceiling above me, at first not entirely sure what had caused it. But when the small gust of the cold dry night air was successfully beyond me I had realized. I glance over to view my curtains dancing to the moonlight just exceeding them. Though I don’t remember opening it and I don’t think my mother would of done such, I just casually walk over and shut it. Then proceed to lay back down in the warmth of my comforter. 

“Tonight was gonna be one of those nights, huh?” I murmured to myself, glancing down as my barely visible hands that were blanketed by the darkness of the room. 

There was no way I was getting back to sleep. But my lack of energy caused me to just lay there for what it appeared to be hours, my mind and body not wanting to work together to bring that sweet relief of sleep I so badly wanted to wash over me. 

My mind meanders through the seasons of the day, recalling all the previous conversations, activities, and headaches, for it has nothing better to do. I’d rather not be the type of guy who cries wolf every time I encounter the slightest inconvenience so I typically keep things to myself, besides I don’t believe Stan or Kenny would be up to listening to my bitching anyways. We all have our own problems maybe it’s best some of us keep them to ourselves rather than using everyone else as emotional support especially since most aren’t up for the job, nor will they make your obstacles any easier, honestly? From experience It seems to be quite the opposite.

I glance over at the digital clock the illuminated bright green numbers which read ‘5:30’, during weekdays I would have already been up and headed off to school. Today was Saturday, today I was gonna sit in bed till my ass was numb and play ‘Call Of Duty’. 

Nothing more, Nothing less. 

I slowly begin to sit up and adjust my eyes to twilight shadows that fall perfectly among every crevice and groove my room held within is confined openings. The Only lights visible was that of the clock that sat on my bedside table and the blue dot being illuminated by my T.V. that was incandescent compared to the surrounding room. 

I gently bring my feet to the carpet below me, rise from my bed and initiate the walk to the doorway. My attempts to be silent were unsuccessful as the floor softly creaks with every step I take. The house was as quiet and empty as it has ever been. When others are up its quiet yeah but the looks of anger and frustration always filled the house with a negative ambiance that almost felt like it was dragging you into the abyss. I love my family, but damn are they hard to live with. They have good morals, but their self righteous approach to life is troublesome on it’s own. Ever since dad died mom became unresponsive and unapproachable. I bump her in the hallway and i’d be grounded for months. Some days it isn’t to bad but i would rather not test my luck.

I shuffle around the edge of the stairs and into the kitchen. I don’t dare to click the light on when walking in and make my way to the fridge.  
The breeze and the light glow that it emits is enough to make me want to sprint into the next room. Although the eerie feeling I got when waking up to my window open was enough to do that. Still not over that, it seems, I look around me to see if I was just being paranoid with the results of unwanted guest being null. My attention is led to a corner that was especially dark, though I didn’t see zilch, I had a gut feeling telling me to get the fuck out of the kitchen… So i did, really quickly. 

I silently judge myself when I enter my room once more. I’m not scared of the dark i’m just cautious, I try to justify my actions to the unspoken hollow room that was the only shield from everything I feared. Confrontation, Anyone planning to murder me, yeah stuff like that. As an intellectual I would like to know why the world has given me every reason to want to fucking die. I’ll be damned if someone else kills me but fuck I might as well be the one to kill me. I laugh in a pit of sarcastic annoyance I find myself falling into. 

“God i’m such a pussy” I laugh again this time unironically, press my back against the wall, and slide down to the floor beneath me. 

Yes, me and intellectual who’s scared to go downstairs at night.


	4. Chapter 4

It was quite the average day. Not too eventful, as usual. However, I’m not entirely sure what Butters was doing in front of my house. It’s, undoubtedly, nothing that has to do with me. I don’t associate much with him, plus he’s not known to be so suspicious, I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm. It is unusual, yet, not my business. Maybe. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was spying on me or some fucked up shit for cartman, poor boy was always being manipulated by him. 

Likely, I just forgot that I opened my window. Maybe. I just can’t recall it. It solemnly worries me. Something so small and meaningless, but typical and something most wouldn’t worry about. Nothing like that really happens in this quiet little mountain town. That’s why I like to think of the possibilities. 

I seem to always get caught up on the little things. But really, what's the bigger picture here? Is my life so utterly boring that my brain has to make up reasons to be stressed constantly? Maybe. 

“Stupid kyle, get your head together!” I exclaimed bitterly throwing myself onto my bed face first.I groan in my pillows and breathe heavily. 

My exhaustion overcomes me and I quickly fall asleep. Sleep is a funny thing, a gateway to ignore your problems, but still ultimately have to confront them. Not that I have any life changing problems currently.

Less than ten minutes after I fell asleep I’m being woken up by Ike’s loud music being blasted throughout the house. Bastard, he has no decency or respect for others. Every so often I wish I could just fling him off a cliff. On the other hand, there is no way I’d get away with that. Little bitch has the same song on repeat for days. 

I growl to myself and clinch my dishevelled hair in frustration. Leaning over I pick up my phone to see a total of zero notifications. 

“Wow! Look at all these messages I have!” I whisper to myself sarcastically. Really, I’m so unfunny. Kyle, the comedian? Who is she? Ultimately, I shoot stan a text to meet me at Starks. It’s never really been the ideal place to hang out, but whatever; it works right?

Maybe he’ll entertain me for today. We aren’t around each other too much anymore, which is fine, I’m not going to cry about it. We all are just living our lives, right?

It doesn’t feel as depressing as it sounds. Most of the time.


End file.
